To identify all the elements of a successful first night, I took inspiration from the advice given by the author Bethsabee Krivoshey in her book My sex notebook and me, and I have compiled them with others, including those of Sébastien Garnero, psychologist and sexologist.
Before any preliminary: you will take the necessary measures to protect you from STI (sexually transmitted infections formerly STDs). So you will not forget to bring condoms, even if you are a woman. And you’ll make them easily accessible, relatively close to the bedroom or place where you could have sex. The principles below apply to both a “one shot” and a promising relationship.
Prepare well for the meeting
Hygiene you will treat: friendliness and desirability of the body go hand in hand with the cleanliness of the latter, but also of the love nest and the bed. You will therefore take great care to wash your sheets so that they smell good and make you want to squat your arms. It all starts there, as our expert agrees: “Provide one or more suitable places, where you feel good, and obviously guaranteeing comfort, hygiene, cleanliness and privacy. Take a time before this appointment to take care of yourself, to prepare for the meeting both psychically and physically. “
Little more : shower or bath together. And / or the hotel if you have the opportunity. Indeed, you will find beautiful mattresses and hugging in new places is always very exciting.
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Beware of excesses of all kinds
You will protect yourself from the overflow: of course, you will monitor your alcohol consumption, because you know its very many disadvantages on sexual function, on desire … You will also be careful not to do too much, not be in the “too much”. For example, for the choose your clothes. Our expert recommends choosing: “those in which you feel comfortable, which allow you to enhance yourself by remaining sober at the same time. “You will also be careful not to pour yourself into long, flowing speeches, or to make noises breaking the mirrors of the house or to specify that you are going to the toilet.
Little extra: sometimes we say or do huge silly things the first time. If that’s your case, don’t blame yourself: there’s nothing more human (and funny and alive) than that. So you will laugh with the other if this story is worth it, and with your friends if not!
Keep a part of mystery
Shadow zones, you will leave: it is the logical continuation of the previous advice. At the start of a relationship, you have to leave room for questioning, imagination, etc. You will therefore avoid telling your life back and forth, to get into the details. It’s also a way to make room for the other person and see if they’re interested.
Little more: this advice is only valid for the start. If you want to build with someone, you have to be mature enough to play card on the table quickly. It would be ridiculous and dangerous to want to play that of the mystery in the long term.
Know how to say no if necessary
You will listen to your desire: envy is the basis of all sexual intercourse. We don’t sleep to thank or to please the other. However, it is sometimes very difficult to know how to say no. It is by listening to oneself that one can assert oneself. “If you feel the urge to cuddle in the arms of the other or to initiate a first rapprochement, do it in the moment and in this dynamic. If, on the contrary, we need to give ourselves some time, let things happen naturally. Also accept your sexual limits, do not force yourself to practice that wouldn’t match you to look good, ”says Sebastien Garnero.
Little extra: don’t hesitate to flee if you change your mind. It is above all you that you must not betray. So listen to your heart and find an excuse if necessary, even a bad one.
To please yourself
Take your foot, you will try: Tomorrow is far away, sang the group IAM, and tonight, the night is yours. So take advantage, dare! As our expert explains
” Let go, be as spontaneous and natural as possible in body language and its feelings. Trust yourself, in your proven and intuition. “
Little extra: if the other is not exactly where you expect him, be flexible and understanding. ” This first night will also depend on the other, on its personality and his previous experiences, and his possible inhibitions and complexes. “
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Don’t believe in crazy love straight away after sleeping together
Your romanticism, you will relax even if you are very chivalrous or blue flower, and you see yourself already married with beautiful children in a crazy well-being, you will avoid showing it or turning the other into a cuddly toy.
Little extra: if you already know that this man or this woman will not be the one or that of your life, you do not have to stay sleeping (this supposes that you are at the other , of course).
Kind, you will be: just because it’s potentially a one night stand doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to the politeness. A “Thank you, it was cool, bye” does not eat bread and makes you respectable, in his eyes as in yours.
Little extra: don’t wait for it to come from the other. We are always more in tune with ourselves when we do what we think is right.
Make sure you don’t forget anything
Your business, you will resume: having to come back to recover something after a magnificent outing, it’s too bad, right? And this can pass for a pretext with nuts. So check-up before you go.
Little more: that doesn’t prevent you from leaving a 06 or a 07 if you like the person.
Get a makeover before leaving
The walk of shame, you will avoid: for that, you will make a small passage by the bathroom before leaving. This will allow you to refresh yourself and check that you don’t have the fly still open or the skirt stuck in the pants.
Little extra: tights spare for ladies and good shower for everyone (the opportunity to do this one last time?).
Do not take the head after a first night
The banana, you will keep: no need to pass the time after to ask yourself lots of questions and finally spoil your day. Whether that night was the worst or the best you have known, it is now over and life goes on.
Little extra: today is a new day.
Yours and your first time.